Like running or giving birth, so much of becoming a midwife is a mental game. When everything goes well, life is so great, but then there is finding a school, dealing with immigration, finding another school, doing distance learning, dealing with midwifery politics in Alberta, trying to figure out how to get midwifery to fit into my life and not take it over, and most importantly, I am worthy. It seems to be a constant grind that wears us all down.
And now to the list I can add Casa. Although it has been a wonderful experience, I wanted to have many more births when I left here than is possible at this point. Two nights ago I was up all night with a first time mom, and then had to hand her over at 6am. I checked her at 5:30 and she was still only 3cm, so it wasn't like she was close. When I got on again at 6pm she was still in labor, and was transported shortly after as she just wasn't progressing. Instead I took over for another for another first time mom who was also progressing slowly. When the midwife checked her at midnight, she hadn't made any progress since that last check, and was she transported as well. 2 transports in 4 hours. And theoretically I could been primary for both of them. Neither the midwife or I were very impressed at how the evening had turned out. We watched some funny Ali G clips on YouTube, and were getting ready to go to bed when the doorbell rang.
And suddenly, all was right with the world again. It was a super nice second time mom who I had had a few appointments with. She was actually in labor (unlike the other 3 labor checks had done in the previous 36 hours), her membranes were intact (unlike the 2 transports who came in ruptured), and she was 6cm! We went on to have a beautiful birth less than 2 hours later.
It is often so hard to stay positive along this journey, and I am so grateful for everyone who believes that I can actually do this. Many days, it's the only thing that keeps me going. And other days, there's nothing in the world that can stop me!
4 comments:
Ali, you're the best. It must be so frustrating but you're absolutely right, we all believe in you and are bragging about you here while patiently waiting for the day you come home. Thanks for giving us a window into your new world!
Love, Michelle, Chad and Kayden
The road to midwifery is never easy... Hang in there, you will be a fantastic midwife!
love M.
Ali,
There must be a lot of frustrations in moving towards your goal but as you indicated there are also so many rewards. We are all so proud of you for hanging in there and as is often the case the best things in life are the toughest to achieve. Keep up the great work. Love Stew
Ali
Welcoming a new life into the world ia a eautiful thing and that is why God created souls like yours to be midwives. To have such a strong calling is a special blessing and you have all the qualities to be an exceptional asset to your chosen profession. All of us who have the privelege of knowing you admire your
dedication and determination.
Love G.G.
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