a birth!

Yesterday I finally made it to a birth after 11 months off. It was a first time mom, and she was in early labor for a day and a half, so I had a lot of warning that I might be going. Luckily for me, active labor started on a clinic day when my mom was already coming to look after Molly. I was really nervous about going to a birth again after being away for so long. Would I remember what to do? Can I actually be a midwife while Molly is so young? Do I want to still do this?

In some ways, this was one of the most difficult births I've been to. I really had to work hard at not crying during the first two contractions after I arrived. I have happy memories of of my labor (just not of pushing!), but it was really difficult to hear the mom struggling with her contractions. Later on I had to leave the room to regain my composure while my preceptor manually dilated the mom's cervix a few centimeters. I had this done during my labor, and don't remember the pain (although I remember screaming through most of it!). Cellular memory is so strange.

But it was also a fantastic birth! It really was like I had never stopped going to births. I even started an IV line on the first try! There were some parts where I struggled to keep up on top of everything that was going on, but I also was felt like there were many skills coming together that my pregnancy brain had not allowed for. I'd forgotten how much fun it is to spend time with expectant parents, especially first time parents. There is such an air of anticipation and the unknown. It was also great to be back at a birth with my preceptor! I am very lucky to be working with my first choice of preceptor, and forgotten just how wonderful she is!

I've been giddy all day today! Everything went so much better than I expected (for which I am sure I will pay for soon!), and reaffirmed that this really is what I want to do!